Biblio File

The Quotable Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce
Ambrose Bierce. Image via Wikimedia.

Ambrose Bierce was an American satirist, journalist, and author in the late 19th and early 20th century. Bierce was an expert short story author -- his war fiction, based on his own experiences in the Civil War, is particularly acclaimed -- but he is also just as well known for his humorous works, including The Devil's Dictionary, a compendium of comical definitions that satirizes human nature and American culture. Over a century after its publication, this quippy book still makes us laugh -- here are just a few of our favorite quotes:

Ambrose Bierce
Ambrose Bierce. Image via Wikimedia.

Acquaintance, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.

Actually, adv. Perhaps, possibly.

Advice, n. The smallest current coin.

Amnesty, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.

Ambrose Bierce
Ambrose Bierce. Image via Wikimedia.

Critic, n. A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries to please him.

Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.

Famous, adj. Conspicuously miserable.

Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.

Ambrose Bierce
Illustration of Ambrose Bierce. Image ID: 1110705.

Novel, n. A short story padded.

Philosophy, n. A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.

Piano, n. A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.

Plagiarize, v. To take the thought or style of another writer whom one has never, ever read.

Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

What are your favorite quotes from Ambrose Bierce? Let us know in the comments. 

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Love: A temporary delusion

Love: A temporary delusion curable by marriage.

Ambrose Bierce

Future, n. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true, and our happiness is assured. Patience, n. A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue. Prejudice, n. A vagrant opinion without visible means of support.